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04/11/2003
CALLIPYGOUS* CAVORTING CREATES CHAOS
*If you don’t know, I’ll tell you at the end!
The atmosphere at Oaklands Park was something to behold as Chichester’s bold warriors strode forth in pursuit of the elixir of greatness – the National Squash League Championship goblet. After last week’s treat, ‘twas as if the original callipygian herself had arrived. Now if you are asking why the reference to a certain Athenian astronomer should appear so prominently in this report, shame on you. Classic studies would tell that this was indeed Calipyg, who most certainly (presumably) could not possibly enjoy the most interesting description above (later!).
Following the 5-0 drubbing of local (used to be) rivals Guildford, we anticipated something of a cruise against the tyros of Sue Wright’s kindergarten, and whilst the early matches flattered to deceive, the last 2 provided some early warnings of the complacency that certain soccer managers would not tolerate, and Vole shall feel the sharp edge of my tongue after this. As the programme notes penned by the absent No.1 quoted a certain Mr. Clough – “Say nowt, win it, then talk your bloody head off”, with no tolerance of pre-victory cockiness permitted.
So we went into the match with the lovely Lindy facing Gemma Hall, a victim of the “Tinkerwoman’s” squad rotation policy. 4 points and some 20 minutes later, the aforementioned cavorting was over, and it was back to the normal display of less appealing details for the rest of the evening. Suffice to say Lindy looked fit and sharp, and fully deserving of the aforementioned recognition.
On the show court, Captain Tim Vole was kicking off proceedings against Dorset No.1 Clive Ewins, clearly intent on exceeding the roller count from last week. Assuring your humble scribe that my comments on his personal rotation policy (rounding his waist, that is) of last week were undeserved, he continued to proclaim that he weighed the least he has since he was 18! It has to be said that he does look a bit sharper, and was obviously keen on displaying his new fitness to his young son who had come along for the evening. Peas in a pod they are! He said it was his brother, but you can’t believe a word he says these days. Anyway, the visitor subsided under a fusillade of shots from the skipper, together with the odd puffer (rally to you and I) to give Chi a cracking start – 2-0 up after less than half an hour.
Our very own apprentice then took to the inside court facing Toby Mortimer, who fairly disappeared during the first game in the face of some aggressive play from our Tom Richards. Well, the aggressive play was right in his face after getting a full-blooded smack from Tommy Toothcracker in the first rally, and it seemed to knock him out of his stride. Both played some good squash in parts, but the overall quality was fairly poor, although I am sure they will both improve in time. It was disappointing, but probably the pressure had a bit to do with it. It was a cliff-hanger though, and Toby looked to have it in the bag in the 4th, but an interesting decision led to, well, anyway Tom evened the match, and went on to take a very nervy 5th to secure the match for Chi.
On the show court, the pressure was on to achieve the white-wash, and go top of the league with the dreaded Brox. In search of his first ever win at Chichester, Tim Garner took on Chris Clare, and despite conceding an edgy 2nd game 11-9, went on to achieve his long dreamed-of maiden victory. It was reminiscent of his halcyon days, not! The garnish was definitely missing from the plate on this occasion, and a somewhat tetchy match ensued, with some interesting debate with the 3rd referee in between rallies. The result wasn’t really in doubt, however, and it set up the Lion for his crucial match with Scott Handley, who has been playing well, hamstring permitting, and had some good results. Actually, I fibbed, Tim has an excellent record at Chi, but not when he has played against us!
The number 1’s was another puzzler. Azzy has had some good results, and some not so good ones, but rankings generally reflect the relative standards of the players, so we were fairly confident of getting the 5-0 score-line that we needed. The first game was in the “not so good” category, and Scott has obviously been watching Tommo, with a devastatingly late cross-court flick that caught Azzy more than once or twice. It was close-ish, but Scott looked good enough. The second was what we had expected, and a 9-3 score-line ensued quite quickly to level the match. A tough 3rd went 9-7 to Azzy, but some real tat followed to again level the match at 2-2. The final game was nip and tuck, but Azzy ran out what looked in the end to be a fairly comfortable winner, but it hadn’t felt like that! All credit to Scott for putting on a really good performance.
So top of the league again, although the goal difference needs some work, next outing is off to the sea-side resort of Lee on the Solent. Traditionally a 3-2 to the Chi, we need to improve on that if we are to peg back the Brox and regain our undoubtedly merited position as league leaders.
Oh, “fair buttocked” is the meaning, so you see, I only tell the truth! And the chaos? Maximus Black’s gramophone failed, so we had the trauma of Mr. Musicmaker deprived of his arpeggios, and relying on his wit and often ascerbic humour to entertain the less than packed gallery. He succeeded – after a fashion. Back at Oaklands Park on the 2nd to give the Brox a seeing to – hopefully! Get your tickets quick.
Contributor: Peter Crabtree
Club: Chichester
Link: http://www.cltsc.co.uk
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