Malcolm's stepson and England Performance Coach
tells a late-night story of how not to handle Malcolm ...
As you are aware, Malcolm is very strict with his pupils, high standards of behaviour and discipline on and off the court are right at the very top of his list. He is not interested in your level, the first question he will ask me if I send someone to see him is, "Is he a good kid, does he have manners?"
If you are polite, look like you’re enjoying yourself and work hard, you’re in ... if you are ill mannered and perhaps a little grumpy, forget it.
Over the years I have seen Malcolm bollock all of his players, but I have yet to see him as angry as he was with me in this particular late night /early hours episode. I was 16 years old and living with mum, Malcolm and James who was aged 5 at the time, near Pontefract.
We had Kirk Andrews who had been with us for some time and Peter Marshall, who were both staying at the house whilst training with Malcolm. It was a weekend and myself, Kirk & Peter decided to catch a bus into Wakefield, get a bite to eat and maybe watch a film.
Well it didn’t quite work out like that. After stumbling out of a taxi at 3am, we had to knock mum out of bed because she had locked the door and left the key in the lock which meant I couldn’t open the door. Mum was fuming but relieved to see us back ..." You thoughtless bugger, you had us really worried."
"I know, I’m really sorry, but how’s Malc?" was my reply ....
"Not good, go straight to bed and don’t make a sound!"
We managed to fall over each other 3 times on our way up the stairs, knocking pictures off the walls amid lots of stifled laughter.
I knew I was in a bit of trouble, but I was so drunk I was in no state to make rational judgements. We headed off to bed ... these two guys had know idea what was around the corner. I knew, but my immediate concerns were how ill I was beginning to feel.
At 7am my bedroom door opens ...... " UP!"
No reply from any of us ......" UUUPPPPP!!", Malcolm bellowed. ....... still no movement, we were too scared to move ....... "UUUUPPPPP NOW!!!!"
That was it, we jumped. "I want you all downstairs in 2 mins." As Malcolm walked off I heard him say to mum, "You had better keep James upstairs, this is going to be heavy."
So there we were, lined up in the front room at about 2 mins past 7 o’clock with hangovers from hell!. Malcolm walks in, stands in front of us, and gives us this almighty bollocking. I’d never ever seen him like this before, he was full of anger, his head was shaking and rolling around, his glasses (fixed with sellotape) were starting to fall off, he was frothing at the mouth ...
I can hardly begin to describe the fear that grips you when he is like this. All those that have been on the receiving end will know exactly what I am talking about.
Against all the odds, I began to find it amusing and to my horror I started to show visible signs of my amusement. This of course, completely finished him off ......
Peter escaped with just being sent home, Kirk was sent home and got a week's ban from Pontefract squash club and I got the maximum sentence of a one month ban from the club. I served my time, walked in and we were back to work as if nothing happened.
Malcolm is a very loyal person, incredibly supportive of his players. He has some great kids coming through at the moment, I just hope they realise how lucky they are to have somebody who is so devoted to the game.
He has his way of doing things and it works. It’s a great feeling to have him behind you, praising you for something you’ve done well, because you know it’s sincere.
You just have to make sure you behave ......................
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